Saddest week

I cried.

I can't control my sad feeling. I cried during last weekend night out with my colleagues or i should put close friends of mine. It is very sad that nearly all my close friend in my company leaving soon. Loneliness kind of feeling suddenly bump in to my head.

Yesterday which is Mother's day, as usual i called home and greet my mum - Happy Mother's Day. Some of you will happy for me because my sons will greet me as well in this special day. Yes, my son draw a Mother's Day Card, but he is meant for his grandma not for me. I am hurt. It is really hurt deep inside my heart. Tears drop from my eyes again. I am fail for being a mum in his mind.

I need times. A lot of times to calm myself.

I am working on it

Working out my ass off to NOT being sack by bosses.

Working out my ass off to cut my monthly expenses.

Working out my ass off to balance my life.

Working out to get side income to back my exisiting income.

I can't concentrate on my job. Heck that!

I've got no idea what i want, what i am doing, what i need to do, what can i do for my sons. My mind is blank, empty...

Duh..What's going on with me?? Maybe you all will wonder where is Happy go lucky Gwen? Okay..Gwen still alive BUT with lotsa trouble and things need to be plan and settle.

Don't know what i am writing as well. F*uck
-end-

Quiz addicted

Recently been taking quite lotsa of quiz in facebook. It is damn funny!

Gwen just took the "How many children will you have" quiz and the result is 18 kids.
wow better call The Discovery Channel cause you'll need your very own school.

Gwen took the 你適合同咩國家既人拍拖?? quiz and the result is 香港人因為你本身就係超級港男/女

Gwen took the 你生前係咩職業﹖ quiz and the result is 公公（宦官）宦官，也稱太監、公公，是指古代宮廷中替皇族服務並閹割掉外生殖器的男性。宦官是負責宮廷雜事的奴僕，不得參與國家政務，但因與皇室朝夕相處，遂能博取信賴或有可乘之機，故在一些朝代中存在着宦官掌握國家政務大權的情況。 中國早期宦官不一定都是閹人，在東漢之後才完全使用閹人做宦官[1]。唐甄在《潛書》中這樣描繪太監：「望之不似人身，相之不似人面，聽之不似人聲， 察之不近人情。」


Gwen took the 你會點死？ quiz and the result is 飲三鹿奶生腎石死鬼叫你地香港人... 要靠大陸...


Oh Gosh...should i stop taking those quiz? My answer is - NO, because is damn entertaining and makes me feel very happy.

Here is quick update for myself .. I AM MOVED OUT! Tada! Yes, i am not staying with my Emo Aunt anymore and move to somewhere nearer to my office area - Queenstown. Till now i am very satisty on the location, owner and environment.

Year end will have a short trip to Darwin, North Australia. Thank you Danny and Charlene for giving me my first Oversea Trip, counting out Singapore as i am working here instead of holiday. ^_^

It is a remarkable day

Second times being warned on my dress code. I don't know the standard of her kind of proper attire. I had changed but she still not satisfy. arghhh!!

She insisted on IF someday she hates or not satisfy on what I'm wearing, she will straight away "send me home". Which mean..bye bye to my job! Oh gosh..will i be the next one who terminated by company with those ridiculous reason? Who knows..bosses are everything and every time are right. We as an employee only can do whatever they want and no objection! For the sake of money, I have to be patience. Complete what i need to do in additional of 100% more effort.

I proud of myself by stay very calm and steady when come to boss's critic i mean face to face with her today.

Me - Gwen Pan will stay stronger than ever!

Complicated

wordless, speechless, just can't pull out the feeling from my head.

Lily Allen - The Fear

Too much to say

It is too much i wish to talk about but time is not allow me to do it.

I am still planning out what i need to do in year 2009. I can't really make out a 2009 TO DO list for myself because my head not work well since i joined my new company. Every single space in my head was full of schedule, timing, promos, target and of cause daily report. It is a tiring job but i am feel much much content now compare to the day with my previous job.

Celebrated my Christmas with lotsa people and friends. They are fun and full of partying idea. Still waiting for the Christmas photo from a girl or i should say a tall( 179cm) and pretty girl.

And for now is time to welcoming a big festive in end of January - Chinese New Year. It seems like last CNY was just a few months back. This year will be a harder and tougher year to celebrate it. But nothing can stop us right! Work hard, play hard. yay yay!!

These 2 days shopped for CNY clothing for myself and of cause my lovely sons.

12 more days, i will be home to celebrate CNY and have a Happy Renunion Dinner. I am exciting is because these time my brother will come back from US to celebrate with us. It is really a Happy Reunion for our family. Yay!

My surname - Pan

I was wondering am i in decision making process? I am always the last one to know everything in my family or should i put it in this way, i just being "inform" what i should do and no objection.

Whatever their so call suggest is to order me to do them a favor. It is tired to listen all those "suggestion" whereby i can not say NO. I did said No once or twice but end up i am the one to blame for not help or contribute enough to family. What on earth i become so so desperate to fulfill my family's need?! Answer - I've got no choice.

I just need a little respect to get me in decision making before decision is made.

I am Back

My poor blog is been abandoned by me for so long.

Everyday i am working my ass off to finish schedule. Recently my boss came out a target for my team. She wants Six weeks in advance for the scheduling. I can't imagine how are we going to do that for her. Bear in mind that only three peoples in my team do 24/7 channel program.

Till now i still fine with my new company but not for my colleagues. Oh well, i will not judge her as she might has huge ambition in her mind.

Christmas is coming, i am still wondering what should i do during Christmas Eve. Stay home watch TV? Countdown with friends? Switch off mobile lost contact with the world and have a "Silent" Night? Hmmm....

OK. Times up! Working time.

Ciao

Are you showing concern or

As mentioned on my previous post, I've got a new job offer recently. For paying a respect to my lovely aunt, i told her about this.

First question from her -How much they pay you? Good?
My answer - Erk...not really.
Second question - What if they are pay lower than what you have now, still take it?
My answer - Confirm take it. I have had enough on what I'm doing now.

What comes afterwards? Silent

Third question to break Silent - What is you new company name?
My answer - Asian Food Channel

(She gave me a confused, doubted face to me. She don't know what is that!)

My answer - Erm...is a channel talk all about food. Astro and Starhub have that.
(She still figure out what is that while i am try to explain to her. At the mean time i stop explain to her as well. After that she is in Silent again.)

One last question break another Silent - Is it limited company?
My answer - Yes.

-End-

What is in her mind? Is it she just simply throw a few questions to me? Or I am thinking too much on she asked those questions with bad intention.

I am not sure reason why other people change their job, but for me now is NEED to change. I don't want my life ended with without any "working experience". What's in my mind is although it might not a very high pay job but at least is a better job in way of near my house, company profile, lots of knowledge i can learn from it.

Oh well, i have to stop posting blog regards to her. Must stop!
But for those who often meet me still can't escape to listen to "interesting story" from me as i am only stop blogging but not stop gossiping verbally about it. haha

Early Menopause

I am referring to my housemate/owner/aunt.

Don't laugh, I am serious you know. I do not know when and how my perception on her is she suffer early menopause. I can't remember since when conversation between she and me become lesser and lesser. Can you imagine every morning we walk to MRT station is in silent mode. Our only interact movement is when she alight at Jurong East station we wave our hand as saying bye bye.

Still not the kill me part there is more and more and more.....

My wardrobe become one of her storage place. She occupied one of my locker to place her blankets. Till now I've got no idea why she did it as room next to mine is a so called computer room+storage room. Such a "good" place for her, but she chose to place in my wardrobe. Fine! I just squeeze ALL my clothes in one place.

I do not know why she mop the floor once every 2 days but my room's floor still sticky. I am not blaming that she is not a tidy and clean person but i will suggest her get a good mop instead. The mop that she using is totally USELESS!! After mop the floor, you still can find hair and dust as well. So mop the floor for what? When i help her to mop the floor, she was like her whole body was coated with dust and sticky when step on the floor. What the!?!? I am helping you and you show me this kind of fucking face. If i seldom do housework you show me fucking face as well. What am i suppose to do? I don't know. At least i am for sure i mop the floor is twice cleanlier than her.

I've got an external hard disk was my brother in State for me. Every time i went back to Cameron i will save all the Hong Kong Drama or any other show from my younger brother. Most recent time was save 5 or 6 drama and some funny show. Guess what, she only finish ONE drama. Others is half way through and she found very boring and resist to continue watch it. Her "principle" is Episode 1 is not nice, then consider WHOLE drama is boring. Problem is that she will blame me for have these dramas that she "think" not good. If she want to watch drama that favor her why not she go and search herself. Don't ever ask me to download!

She wants to watch free movie therefore i gave her few website that can watch online for free. When she log in and can't watch it, she will complaint to me that im giving her a not valid website. Eh..i am not your service provider, since you can't log on to those websites please google search for other websites. It is as simple as that.

During weekend most of the working people confirm will sleep late till afternoon or maybe 10 somethings. But she is not, 8 somethings she already up and start her "symphony music" concert. By banging all the stuff in kitchen or slam the door early morning. I am so blissful for living in this so artistic home. Ops...I left out one of her "partner", construction works opposite my block.

I guess i had enough for this kind of nonsense thing in my life. As what my mum suggested, move out will be a better choice for me. Still considering on this and not a good timing for me to move out yet.

Woohoo~

Moments ago, I've got a call from a company. My life is about to change in a month time later because of it. Yes..I've got the offer! I am only reveal the company when i sign on the appointment letter :P

It is ever tough interview I've been through till now. I had been interviewed three times by three different peoples you know! Like i am applying for Management level position. Oh well, I understand why they so concern on hire new staff.

Hello xxx, I am coming to you!! YAY!!

Tagged

Rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog

Starting time : 1130
Name : Gwen Pan
Sisters : 2
Brothers : 2
size : 7 (US)
Height : 160 cm
Where do you live : Jurong, Singapore.

Have you ever been on a plane : No
Swam in the ocean : No
Fallen asleep at school : Not in school but tuition class.
Broken someone’s heart : Yes
Fell off your chair : Nope.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : No, maybe day time will do.
Saved e-mails : Not really
What is your room like : Double bed, 3 door closet.
What’s right beside you : W810i, a water bottle.
What is the last thing you ate : Wholemeal bread with peanut spread

Ever had Chicken pox : No..i think
Sore throat : No.
Stitches : 2 inches above my vagina. (Gave birth to my twins boy)
Broken nose : No
Do you Believe in love at first sight : Not at all
Like picnics : Love to but never picnic since born.
Who was the last person you danced with : Can't remember when is my last dance

Last thing made you smile : Chatting with Jaster Siow
You last yelled at : I just louder my voice does it count?
Kissed anyone : my sons
Get sick : Stomach ache now.
Talk to an ex : Yes, yesterday.
Miss someone : Yes.
Who do you really hate: Nope.

Do you like your hand-writing : Definitely.
Are your toe nails painted : Yes.
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : No one's bed can replace mine.
What color shirt are you wearing now : White.
Are you a friendly person : I think so.
Do you have any pets : No.
Do you sleep with the TV on : No.
What are you doing right now : Doing this.
Can you handle the truth : Yes.

Are you closer to your mother or father : Mother.
Do you eat healthy : Recently try to.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : Yes, in my external hard disk.
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : Jaster Siow.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time : 50/50, sometimes loud sometimes quiet.
Are you confident : Erm...sometimes.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1) Mother of two.
2) Completed my degree paper.
3) Work in Singapore.
4) Try to get higher pay job.
5) Try to lose some weight.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1) Save a sum of amount for my sons.
2) Rebuild my house in Cameron Highlands.
3) Buy a house in Singapore.
4) Sponsor my family travel to around the world, if allow.
5) Start up my own business.

5 of my bad habits
1) Always ask for more.
2) Unnecessary spending.
3) Too straight forward.
4) Always keep quiet when home.
5) Laugh at people's weird attire.

5 places I have been living in
1) Cameron Highlands
2) Taman Bunga Raya, Setapak
3) SS 2
4) Singapore
5) (Only 4 places I've been living in)

5 people I tag
1) Jaster Siow
2) Charles
3) Janelle
4) Steve Ong
5) Joanne

Happy, Satisfy but...

It is damn excited when you can grab something nice at lower price.

In a not so sunny day, Jaster and me take a long ride to an industrial area. What motivate us went to those industrial area during our Public holiday? Oh well..it is CONVERSE Warehouse Sales!!

Once we reached it is packed with a lot of people. We quickly step in and start our treasure hunt. It is damn cheap for the converse shoes. Bear in mind is not only one brand in the sales, you can find Everlast and Kappa as well.

Things that i bought in the sales:
Converse All star Slip - $ 19.90
Converse Double Tongue - $ 29.90
Everlast shoes for my brother - $ 29.90
Kappa Long Pants and short pants - 2 for $ 30
Kappa socks 3 pairs - $ 10

Grand Total : $ 119.70

Afterwards we heading to Orchard for next round. Woohoo!!

So regret that last week we didn't buy the the Zara shirt that we fall in love with. Yesterday when we want to own it, it is no longer in the shop. I thought spent out this hundred over in converse warehouse sales is my limit for this month. But when pass by the perfume section at Tangs, another of my hundred dollars gone. But it is damn worth for a 100ml Perfume + Shower Gel + bag cost only $ 125nett. Early birthday present for myself and my earlier wish list Gucci wallet gotta KIV.

In conclusion, i am over pampering myself in this month and no more shopping for this month. NO MORE!!

周杰倫 - 稻香

Outcome

Up up way up high!

I don't know when and how it will become to this situation. It is a really bad symptom for me. What am i going to do? My tongue is like twist around in my mouth. I couldn't help but wonder is it my tongue didn't work for so long time and end up like this? Lack of talking? Lack of exercise on my tongue tissue? I don't know at all.

Talking to people become an obstacle to me. I can't spell out a proper word when i talking to them. What the hell is going on? Where the hell of my confidence? Nothing best describe me like ant on a hot pot.

I am worry..ok is damn worry. It is cruel for me living in this fucking realistic world.

I can't imagine in one day me and "Language Barrier" has a link! Oh gosh..i am touching wood now.

Losing my temper II

In his mind, I am VERY good in mind reading. OH!! How i wish i was good in that BUT i am not. I've been asking two times when he hand me some documents and the answer from him is "The documents is for our filing record". So i just file it and continue my stuff. 10 minutes later, he ask me whether i photocopy those documents already? What?!!? Good questions in my head. Words came from his mouth is filing but in his head is asking me to photocopy + filing.

Oh well...i wish i can read everyone mind and set up a shop, earn money from my special talent "Mind reading Expert". Good?

Losing my temper

Not once but twice this happend on me. I am repeat one last time. "I AM NOT DOING PURCHASE ORDER!!"

Today or just so happen on last few minutes, again my manager ask me about Purchase Order (PO). I don't know why he didn't call admin in main office instead of ask me to call admin! Both of us are sitting in same office, how on earth i know what happen in main office? When i helping him call the dump admin, he is yelling behind me and nag on the process bla bla bla. I can't take it anymore. Everytime i call out, sure he will shout right behind me. Can't just keep quiet for a few minutes? Is this hard?

He just pissing me off!

Blank

Nothing to write about, half dead but life still gotta moves on.

Everything is stuck. Lucky star always slipped away from me.

好抵死既问题...我钟意！

女仔问男仔既抵死问题

1) 行街好悶, 行黎行去都係果度!
答: 大姐呀, 同你拍左甘多年拖, 仲有邊度未去過丫... ..

2) 點解唔同我煲電話粥?!
答: 我一日最少都陪你4-5個鐘, 有乜都講晒啦...唉哎...

3) 同我一齊静係想do野!?
答: 性係人既需要, 尊重你係我girlfriend先只對你有性既要求。 唔通你想我攪三攪四咩,日日五 姑娘唔掂架...

4) 床上口花花, 床下冷冰冰?!
答:讚美當然係情最濃時發出架啦,唔通你呵緊屎讚你性感咩大姐呀！

5) 去街成日"及"女?!
答: 你又何嘗唔係"及"緊仔呢...愛靓係人本性..."及"下唧又唔係禽兽....

6) "愛唔愛我"?!
答: 我一日講十次好未, 你明知唔係發自內心都要聽?!呢句野 當然係男人最想講既時候先會 講喇... 唔好再立亂問我左

7) 我同你亞媽跌落水, 你救邊個先?
答: 頂!係邊Q個第一個諗呢條問題既? 拿拿聲捉去打把啦!你兩個都跌晒落水 ,我就梗係報左警先啦, 我跳埋落去,邊Q個救我地呀 一齊死麼?!

8)你幾時娶我架?
答: 你亞媽幾時大發慈悲免收禮金, 我咪娶得起你lor...

9) 我老左你會唔會仲愛我?
答: 大姐呀...呢個問題我驚過你啦...頭又係我光先, 更年期又係我黎先.